The Big Day!~

Ash was off of the respirator, and we couldn't be more thrilled!!! The next step was to get her home but in order to do that, she would for the next few weeks need to continue to grow, eat, and gain strength. We needed time anyway to plan and prepare for this as my parents and I lived in a small duplex. We needed to figure out how the heck we were going to have room for a baby. Living with my parents while trying to BE a parent would prove to be challenging, but oh so helpful. I was 17. I didn't know what I was doing with my own self let alone become responsible for another human. How was I going to make this work? What did I need to do to prepare? There were so many questions with the biggest being, when was Ashley coming home? My friend Amy was a godsend through it all. Being there when I needed her the most. She was the peanut butter to my jelly and was my savior so many times. Amy rode this wild ride with our family through my pregnancy and for many years to come. Being much older looking back at it now, I am not sure I could have gotten through it all without her. She was a part of our lives and our family and to this day, still is.

Three and a half months of heartache, uncertainty, wonder, wait, worry, and on. And on. Three and a half months old Ashley gets to FINALLY come home!!! She was fragile, small, and would need a lot of tending too but we were ready and up for the challenge. What would I do with her? How would I care for her? Did I need to be careful of this, or that? The questions were probably those same questions every new mom has when bringing their baby home though our situation was obviously different. There would be wounds to heal both physically and emotionally. It was a tragic, trying time for us. I wouldn't realize just how much of an affect this part of my life had on me until I was much older. So many of the choices and decisions I made along the way have led back to this tragedy. I have learned it is almost like having PTSD. I wasn't a good woman in my twenties and thirties, but it would take me to get to my forties to admit it, own it, and change it.

We couldn't wait to get Ash home and love on her. We couldn't wait to bathe her, put her to bed, play with her, and watch her grow into a toddler. The anticipation of this moment was brewing and brewing. We had waited so long and quite honestly; we weren't even sure it was ever going to happen. July 19, 1990 would be one of the best days of our life. Ashley came home on that day. Our miracle came home and fit right in. It was scary, amazing, incredible, did I say scary, lol....It was a day I will never forget. We brought her home in her bright blue polka dotted car seat wearing the cutest pink dress. My sister was home from school and we as a family were so incredibly grateful and fulfilled. I remember dad getting her out of the car not letting anyone help or touch her. She was his precious cargo then, and up until the day he passed away. He would live for her from that moment on and he made sure everyone around her knew it.