Life goes on.

It was day by day…by day.

I was trying to find my place in the world. I had no clue who I was, or where I was going, and I certainly didn't know what I was doing. It was back and forth with Scott. One day we were together and the next we weren't. Scott had a job and a lot of hobbies that kept him busy, but me, I had my daughter in the hospital and didn't have time for anything else.

Friendships died and people came and went. It was hard to maintain anything, when my time was always spent in Minneapolis and with me no longer being in school it was hard to 'fit in'. I was missing out on a lot, but I was right where I needed to be.

There were small hiccups with Ash here and there over the weeks, but for the most part she was growing and getting stronger.

My Mom and Dad spent countless hours driving me back and forth from Minneapolis to Faribault then back and forth again and again.

At that time, the things I was learning about were far from what I should have been. I had a model of a human heart that came apart. I took it home to study it to learn everything I could about what was going on with Ash. I also got Mom's nursing books out to read about "tricuspid valve" and "atrial septal defect" etc. I learned so much about the human heart and how it worked but what I should have spent even more time learning about was myself.

I didn't know who I was and in fact wouldn't really know me until many, many years later.

Weeks went by and then soon months. The relationship between Scott and I faded in and out until it was out for good. It was a chaotic scene until it wasn't. Until little miss Ashley was on the mend.

There were many milestones along the way such as blood gases coming back 'normal', her breathing numbers being in a 'good range', and the ability to remove her from this machine that had been breathing for her since birth.

Wait, what?!?!?

Yes! At approx. three months old, Ashley was finally strong enough to breathe and maintain on her own, so it was finally time to remove the breathing tube. That was the biggest accomplishment yet, and it was the best damn day of her life.